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Secret

Hours

________________(8

bit)____

Finally

...

I

had

thought

the

worst,

but

"Secret

Hours"

disproves

it

-

I

thought

I

was

done

with

composing

for

good.

Making

"Secret

Hours"

wasn`t

a

pleasent

experience

for

me,

composing

never

actually

has

been

that,

but

it`s

been

getting

worse

every

time.

There

are

many

reasons

for

this

in

my

belief,

but

they

all

come

down

to

this

one

single

factor

-

Perfectionism.

I

get

really

frustrated

with

myself,

for

no

reason

might

the

majorty

of

you

say,

but

the

inside

keeps

on

being

unsatisfied

with

everything

I

do,

and

it`s

not

just

in

music.

First

it

felt

nice,

I

knew

that

my

head

wouldn`t

go

over

heals,

but

now

it

feels

as

if

I

could

only

exist

and

do

nothing.

It`s

like

a

curse

in

a

fearytale.

Basickly,

why

should

I

keep

on

doing

something

that

won`t

bring

me

any

joy,

that

won`t

make

me

feel

happy??

I

love

music,

I

really

really

do,

sometimes

I

live

with`in

it,

and

from

time

to

time

it

grabs

me

away

from

this

hellhole

which

some

of

us

refer

to

as

"earth",

but

I

just

feel

so

exhausted

with

all

this

...

and

as

I

said

before,

this

problem

doesn`t

exist

with

music

only,

it`s

the

way

I

am

with

everything

-

it`s

a

part

of

my

personality,

probably

for

good.

Bottom

line?

...

Could

be

that

this

is

my

last

song,

could

be

that

it`s

not,

could

be

that

my

next

song

comes

out

a

year

after

this,

or

it

could

come

out

tomorrow

...

I

need

to

learn

how

to

live

without

high

demands

and

to

be

less

critical

with

my

work,

and

maybe

after

that

I

can

compose

with

an

"open

mind",

but

until

that

...

...

everything`s

uncertain.

______

This

song

is

dedicated

to

albanian

refugees

who

were

forced

to

leave

their

homes

at

Kosovo

and

in

some

other

parts

of

former

Yogoslavia.

To

the

people

that

had

to

abandon

their

loved

ones

and

family

members

without

any

knowing

what

might

happen

to

them,

and

to

the

brave

men

who

are

willing

to

risk

their

lives

as

they

are

fighting

for

a

better

tomorrow

-

fighting

a

battle

against

tyranny.
______

A

little

background

on

"Secret

Hours"...

Actually,

it`s

an

old

song

which

never

got

finished

(we

all

have

hundreds

of

those,

right?)

and

had

been

"haunting"

me

ever

since

I

created

the

first

few

patterns

-

in

late

summer

1998.

It

was

ALMOST

lost

for

good

on

the

same

autumn

when

I

had

an

accident

with

my

HD

(thank

God

for

floppies!),

and

after

many

turns

it`s

now

finally

finished.

Sounds

a

little

similar

to

"Inquisitor",

doesn`t

it?

______

All

comments

and

opinions

are

always

welcome!!

Have

an

enjoyable

spring

folks!!

Acumen.